meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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