I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
why is half of my head shaved?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
