I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
