yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
