Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
