whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
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