i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
