The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
