And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
