I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
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