allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
