My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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