Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
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