Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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