he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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