He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
