Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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