you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
