im gay
i know
yea but for you.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
