Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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