i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
