I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
