God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
