I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
