is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
Randomize