i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
