Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
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