i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
