As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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