the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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