Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
