i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
