Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
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