you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
