His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
