Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
