if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Randomize
