ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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