now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
