Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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