It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
