I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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