A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
