fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
