Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
