So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
