we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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