just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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