I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
