i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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