Already got asked if we're dating
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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