Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
