I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
