Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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