Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
