I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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