Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
