I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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