you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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