you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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