The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
