So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
