YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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