I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
