Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
