i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
