i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
