Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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