he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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