And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
