And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
